SLiDE: Season 1, Episode 01 - Pilot

Meet the SLiDE gang and delve into the world of Australian teenage hijinks! Similar to Skins (the British version, not the US version), this Australian teenage dromedy features normal looking teenagers (played by actors the same age), clueless / ignorant adults, a love square, awesome background music, and seriously Average schemes.

But that's where the similarities end; SLiDE is its own with its use of graphics, relationship development, and hilarious one liners. Be warned: crude humor, some indecent language, and misused grammar may ensue. Let's hop right in, shall we?

The episode starts with a visual of a bridge in Brisbane, Australia (where the show is set) and the sound of sirens... WAIT! Sirens? We just started watching this show and these kids are already in trouble?!

We don't know what they did yet, but they're obviously in for something. For now, let's meet the little delinquents:

Teen #1: My mom's gonna kill me!
Teen #2: That's probably not our biggest problem right now.
Teen #3: Does it smell like old milk in here?
Teen #4: Should I cry? Let's ALL cry!
Teen #5: People focus! We need to get out stories straight.

Teen #5

First we meet Eva Lee: I can already tell she's gonna to be awesome b/c of the pink hair. Only awesome people can pull off pink hair like that. We were only 40 seconds into the show when she became my favorite character.

Eva: I'm not saying anything without legal representation.

Pinky or Eeevah, which will hereby be her nickname, claimed her right to remain silent. I have a feeling that she's been incarcerated before. Hmmm...

Teen #3

Heeeyyy, it's Luke Gallagher! Not to get confused with the Gallagher Girls book series-oh forget it. Just don't let that horrible snapshot fool you, he's tres belle. Better pictures are coming, I promise!

He seemed so laid back in the police van that it was funny to see him mildy freaking out while being questioned. He started telling the cop a story about him sleepwalking or something. As Cassie (from Skins UK) would say, "Wow."

Luke: Sometimes I have these blackouts and I can't remember what I've been doing. It's like sleepwalking... I could be asleep right now.

Teen #4

Brooke Davis, I mean Scarlett Carlyle decides to take the emotional way out by crying and claiming not to know those wrong doers.

Doesn't she look like Brooke Davis from One Tree Hill? It can't just be me that sees the resemblence both appearance and personality wise. And why does she look wet?! Hmm... Questions, we want answers!

Scarlett: I've had a really bad day. I've only been here for three weeks. And I don't even really know those other people!

Way to sell out people you don't even know!

Teen #2
Enough with the One Tree Hill resemblances! Why does Tammy Lane look like Peyton Sawyer? I mean it's just the hair but why?

Tams demonstrates her smarts... sort of.

Tammy: I've watched a lot of cop shows and I think you've got to give me a phone call to my lawyer. If I had one. That means you'll have to give me one... Do you?

Looks like the police have finally broken down a suspect. Ed Newman, Teen #1, promises to rat out his cohorts if he won't get in trouble. This was probably the funniest of the introductions yet besides Tammy's.

And what's up with dude's hair? Is he going for the Gallagher haircut cuz it's not really working for him.

Ed: Pleasepleaseplease I'll tell you everything. Just don't tell my parents. (whispers to camera) PLEASE!

Cue the SLiDE logo and now we're headed back in time, 18 hours earlier. This ought to be good:

Luke wakes up outside fully clothed  with broken sunglasses and a WTF?! look. At least he got up before the sprinklers went off.  Meanwhile, Eva is teaching senior citizens yoga (?!). She gives him her soon-to-be-infamous 'sup nod while he goes on his merry way to whoever knows where.

We find out that today is Ed's 17th birthday prompting a funny b-day card from Tammy and a prolonged discussion about Ed's "massive" party.

Ed wants a cool party with lots of girls and the works. He just wants to be seen as the man that he knows he's not. But he fears that his parents will ruin the party because they always do. Tams, being the supportive friend that she is, also points out that he doesn't know any cool people to invite anyway, so he better find something better to do to celebrate his manhood.

Tammy 1. Ed 0.

Making the mistake of many guys before him, Ed suddenly remembers a pact he and Tams made when they were like really really drunk. He thinks that sex would commemorate many fine years of their friendship. Tammy, being the level headed one, is all TIA.

Ed: What could be better than sharing this special thing with someone you already know and trust?

Tammy: Um... Doing it with someone you're actually attracted to?


Tammy 2. Ed 0.

Doesn't this look like a fine school for screwed up kids? Scarlett doesn't seem to think so; she "can't beLIEVE" her father would make her go to this horrid horrid school.

While I know she was just trying to piss her dad off, that school is gorgeous! Like mansion gorgeous. Like better looking (and probably smelling) than my school gorgeous! But I digress...

Her father is a douche. It's not just the money or the sunglasses or the earpiece, he's just a straight up douche and he tries to blame it all on his daughter that he pretty much ignores.

He complains about her behavior and threatens to send her back to her mom cuz he won't put up with her dramz. The only flaw in his argument is that his car matches the school.

Meanwhile, Scarlett is like can I just have my lunch money now *annoyed pout face.

I feel like I'm watching a Charlie Brown cartoon.
Douche #2 Mr. Lancaster who also serves as the principal and/or headmaster starts detention off with the worst punishment EVER: a lecture. U will improve ur behaivior yung lady cuz we're the best school eva! No, not you Pinkie!

We get this funny interaction between Lancaster and Eva where he questions why she's tardy and she twists it to make it sound like he asked her why she's retarded lol. He takes their phones and leaves, expecting a 1000 word (what's with nonmath teachers and numbers?) essay about sanctuary from Eva and Scarlett  on their desks by noon.

We meet Annabel who appears to be innocent from afar but is actually pretty intimidating in a close up.

Why is she in detention? She told off her teacher because she's a "bitch and hates her." Anyone else reminded of Chucky right about now?!

Scarlett and Eva are impressed by the young Chucky's actions and steal their phones back from Lancaster's desk. Scarlett thinks she's funny when she calls Eva the "school rebel." Eva, unimpressed, calls Scarlett out on her phoniness and lack of family attention.

Scarlett: Finally! Someone with some kick in their ass.

Meanwhile, Ed and Tammy ponder WWBD in hopes to up the ante on Ed's b-day. Ed is all, if I stare at my ceiling, the answer will come to me. Tammy *rolls eyes.

Eva draws the school as a sanctuary in the form of hell with Lancaster as the prison ward.

Pinkie 2. Lancaster 0.

OMG! Their text messages pop up! AVERAGE!

Ahem. Yeah, so their text messages are displayed like holograms. Eva has a lot of messages...

While Scarlett has none *annoyed pout face. Who wants to bet that young Chucky in the background is to blame? She could have telekinetic powers or something.

Scarlett calls her father who, no surprise, doesn't answer.

Apparently, the only way to own gold cars is to own a chain of fancy hotels with bumbling staff i.e. Ed. Scarlett goes to the hotel owned by her father where she unknowingly catches the eye of Ed who's suppose to be working. She walks in on her father calling her a spoiled brat, which to some extent she is, but it's still rude not to say it to her face. He didn't even say it to her mother's face, he called her. One word: coward. Second word: douche.

Scarlett is pissed because she wanted to have a real relationship with her father, but it's obvs that she's completely over her Brady Bunch feelings now.

Ed is speechless when he finds himself delivering room service to Scarlett's notsohumble abode. He introduces himself in an awkward Dan Humphrey meets Serena van der Woodsen like style.

Scarlett decides to tag along while Ed works. He mentions his birthday and she convinces him to have his party in her suite. Scar sets up a text message telling everyone about the party and tells Ed to invite COOL people.

Ed gets really excited and starts dancing like a maniac in the elevator. Scarlett's dad steps in since he doesn't actually work and is all it's hard to find good workers these days. Here's a suggestion Mr. Carlyle, why don't you actually work instead of complain about your troublesome daughter!

Ed invites Luke to his party, hoping Luke will invite the cool people that he knows cuz Luke is the s***. Seriously, you'll notice.

Luke is all I'm a surfer dude, I go with the flow of my skateboard. If I go, I go and everyone follows my attractiveness. If I don't go you enjoy your birthday you still virgin you!

Ed and Tammy go to the store to shop for stuff to make Ed more attractive to the ladies. A leather jacket you ask? No, toothpaste, he's out.

Ed confides in Tammy about his soulmate Scarlett, whom Tams calls a "troll in a high school movie." Anybody else find their facial expressions hilarious?

Ed: She lives in a hotel.
Tammy: Like Chuck Bass.
Ed: Who?
Tammy: He's on some show that I would never watch obviously.

Tammy tells Ed the virgin double standard: a girl's value goes up the longer she waits while a guy's value goes down. He appreciates her advice so much he decides to take his makeover to the next level: hair dye!

Scarlett convinces her dad to GTFO because she's having a party she needs to get herself together after his harsh remark. Her father, feeling somewhat guilty buys this excuse and leaves her all alone in his precious hotel that funds his fancy gold convertible.
Ed's hair dying goes awry with no help from Tammy who claims she's no hair expert (excuses, excuses). So Ed picks out a top hat and plans to go hide for the rest of his miserable life.

He still manages to whine to Tammy about how she's screwed him over when she was trying to help him. And this continues right up until...





SURPRISE! Aw fuck.
Ed's parents threw him a surprise party to top off the crap that is his birthday. And his birthday present, his parents trying to pair him off with Tammy. Woot!

Meet Phillipa. She's kinda crazy. No, really, she is.

She has this wierd crush on Ed and can't figure out that he doesn't want to be anywhere near her cuz she acts like a supAHfreak. And, she wore her sports uniform to his party so she probably smells like grass and sweat; yah, a reeeaaal turn on Phil.

Luke actually shows up to Ed's party only to find that Scarlett is the host, not Ed. They are obviously instantly attracted to each other, but Luke is a little more subtle than Scarlett who's basically undressing him with her eyes.

Luke calls some of his friends to get the party started. And by some I mean like maybe ten of his hundred who each called at least five others. Just imagine this going on in a cycle in one large area with those text messages popping up. Talk about the social network!

Ed, being the idiot that he is put hair dye down his pants so that he would match. Now he's itching like crazy in the middle of the party that his family threw for him. And Tams is like no shit, moron, it's peroxide.

Ed proceeds to the bathroom where he tells Tammy that he can't leave this party because he doesn't want to hurt his mom's feelings. Tammy is intrigued by Ed's logical side and Ed sees this as time to make a move which is promptly interrupted by Phillipa who is eagerly awaiting for Ed to rejoin the partay.

Ed is all worried that Luke the Man of Mystery will steal his soul mate and it's obvious that Tammy agrees because she keeps repeating Luke Gallagher over and over like he's a rockstar or something.

Now Ed knows he must escape this nightmarish party or he will lose his woman to a serious playah.

Meanwhile, at Scarlett's... Luke and Scar share their dislike of school while Luke waits for his peoples to show up, cuz if they don't they're probably dead to hiim.

Scarlett: *bats eyes
Luke: *laughs
Scarlett: *applys lip gloss
Luke: *more laughter

Luke's people pop up from the fire escape like PARTAY!!! Scarlett is like I'm not a loner! I finally know people! Luke steps in like aren't I the best not boyfriend eva?

Birthday numero uno sucks. Or at lease it does in Ed's mind. It sucks if you don't like small family friend gatherings. And it really sucks if someone extremely hot throws a party for you and you're not even there.

Ed hates this party but pastes on a pudding face for his parents sake. Tammy gets a kick out of his misery while one kid is deciding which piece he wants and Ed's uncle looks like he wants something stronger than root beer.

Let's get down people! Everyone to the gold convertible owner's penthouse! Scarlett's gonna show you how to party newbie style! Ed's Scarlett's party is in full blast with tons of people, a DJ that randomly walked in and started mixing, drinks that no one is actually legal to drink, and poolside dips.

Luke and Scarlett are obviously getting along and using every possible moment that they're not around someone else to vaguely convey their feelings for each other.

Ed is all it's NOT my party and I can whine if I want to. I can't decide if I'm bored or jealous that Tammy would rather dance with an eight year old than with me.

Finally getting Ed alone, Phillipa proceeds to act like a pedophile in training. She offers him some alcohol mixed with a slushie as a seduction tactic which Ed baits... long enough for Phil to scatter away.

Tammy finally sees Ed's discomfort but only because he was being bothered by Phil. She's like Mrs. Newman, tell that wierdo to get offa mah be eff eff so I can get him the hell out of here.

Tammy gets Ed out of his party where they proceed to the same store as earlier so Ed can pour milk down his pants to neutralize the acid left over from the hair dye. Tams is LOL that Ed forgot to take off his pants before he poured the milk everywhere in public. Ed's like :O

So off they go to Ed's real birthday party thrown by his soul mate. Hopefully she'll like the tiny jeans that Tams fished out of the back of the car. If it was shorts he could've gone Jacob Black on her, but...

Watch Out! It's raining fire from the sky! Oh wait, that's just the falling debris from Scar's party. Complete with a wild cheering guy behind it.

Scarlett's dad is all WTF? *fuming

Scarlett, how could you do this? There's a five percent chance I might lose my shiny gold car because of you!

Scar's Dad throws a hissy fit over the party, calling names and throwing true accusations. Everyone else is like :O while Scarlett gets yelled at. Luke is like, oh shit... gurl's got baggage.

Scarlett's dad tells her he hates her which is the last straw for Scarlett who runs out in tears followed a little late by a confused Luke.

Scar's dad tells everyone that the po-pos are coming so they break out... just as Ed and Tammy are arriving in the Bat Mobile.

On the bright side, everyone congratulates Ed on the great party that he didn't even go to.

Scarlett takes a long walk to calm hersellf down. It's the one time you truly see her let down her guard and stop pretending to be okay.

Luke tags along in the car with Ed and Tammy so they can find Scarlett. He introduces himself to a starstruck Tammy who's pissed that Ed didn't mention her before.

Luke: Hi Tammy, I'm Luke. *smouldering smile
Tammy: How do you know my name? *confused utter shock
Luke: We go to the same school. (Obviously)

Scarlett calls to let the others know she's okay and ask for directions. Ed's like Thank the Lord! Luke is all *heavy sigh of relief. Tammy's like *dammit.

Scarlett: Wait, I see a big building, it looks like it might be a haunted mental asylum. Oh fuck, I'm at school.

Scarlett runs into Eva who's leaving a present for Lancaster (previously mentioned Douche #2). I was starting to wonder where she was.

Scarlett: What are you doing besides creeping around school like a freaky emo vampire?

Eva's special present is the word sanctuary burned into the ground while Scarlett tapes the ignition for evidence. Luke, Ed, and Tammy who are now on foot see the flames and run over.

Heeyyy! Pinkie and Luke are buds! No wonder she supped him earlier. Totally in love with this not so romantic ship!

Scarlett is ecstatic to finally see Ed while Ed is just happy that Luke is too occupied with Eva's masterpiece to notice.

Tammy and Ed creepily watch Luke and Scarlett make out, momentarily crushing Ed's hopes that Scar is his soulmate.

Tammy, being the really good friend that she is, suggests that they might just be a one time thing. Now is she saying this for Ed's benefit with Scarlett or her benefit with Luke since he's such a Rockstar?

Just as Ed realizes that his birthday was crap, the sprinklers go off. As Avril Lavigne would say, What the hell? They all jump around and hug each other in this triumph of five wierd people coming together for senseless fun. Ed seems to be having more fun in these few minutes soaking wet then he's had all day.

All is well until the po-pos show up and take everyone into custody for questioning.

It turns out that the interrogation was about the party that two out of five went to and not the fire set in the school yard.

Eva's like yeah I went to that party, watcha gonna do about it punk? Tammy's like ohhh this is about the party and not the school, I mean place I didn't set fire to. Luke's like I'm too cool to go to parties. Gotta study for real. Scarlett's like can i go home now *pout face.

Ed is just eternally screwed. He claims he knows nothing about the party because he wasn't even there. But the cops are like, we've got proof: BAM! Cell phone text. Aren't they a bitch? Here's a tip Ed, never trust a beautiful woman, especially one with a trust fund.

So did you enjoy this long recap? Do you want me to write another one for this show or another show? Did you laugh or SG at least once? Think you'll like the show? Feel free to comment below: